Murky Press
Picture

Clearing the fog

  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact

5/9/2021

Silent Tribute

6 Comments

Read Now
 
PictureMy mother, Mary Marrs Goodlett, in the center; my mother-in-law, Jean Showalter, on the right; and my brother-in-law’s mother-in-law, the inimitable Woody Mountz, on the left. Photo c1990 in Paris, Ky.
I tend to ignore Mother’s Day. My mother has been gone 30 years. My mother-in-law has been gone just shy of 10.  I’m not a mother. For me, Mother’s Day has become a nearly guaranteed quiet day with no obligations, because everyone else is engaged with family and special tributes to the mothers in their lives. And I have come to enjoy it for just that reason.

This morning, however, historian Heather Cox Richardson, in her Letters from an American, wrote:

“​Those of us who are truly lucky have more than one mother. They are the cool aunts, the elderly ladies, the family friends, even the mentors who whip us into shape.” 

I, too, had “mothers” other than the one who birthed me. I considered my Aunt Charleen my second mother. My mother’s cousin, Ann McWilliams, always included us in family gatherings during the holidays and made us feel special. When I was in college, one of my piano teachers, Mimi McClellan, invited me to stay in her home one summer while I worked nearby. Each of these women, and many others, offered different perspectives on how to live life, how to embrace family, and what is truly important. I don’t remember having conversations about any of these things. I just watched them. And I pocketed the treasures offered by their examples.

All of these ladies are now gone, too. I have to look to my own generation—or the ones that have followed—for role models. I imagine I can still learn a thing or two from my friends and my neighbors and my relatives who demonstrate compassion and generosity and the sort of joie de vivre that makes life worth living. I’m still trying to learn patience and acceptance and forgiveness—traits critical for all mothers, and the very traits I lack, probably in part because I never took on a maternal role. From the time my mother pulled me onto her lap when I was an out-of-control five-year-old and said, somewhat sarcastically, "I hope you have six just like you," I knew I never wanted to be a mother. And I never had any ambivalence about that.

In her letter, Richardson claimed she “had at least eight mothers.” She goes on to describe one, Sally Adams Bascom Augenstern, a strong-willed widow who had lived near Richardson in her youth. Being the eldest of six siblings, Augenstern had already done her share of child-rearing by the time she was an adult. Said Richardson, “I've never met a woman more determined never to be a mother, but I'm pretty sure that plan was one of the few things at which she failed.”

Today, for all you mothers who wittingly—or unwittingly—took on that important job, thank you. Those of us who lacked the courage are grateful for the burdens you bore with such grace. We are still watching, and we are still learning.
​

Share

6 Comments
Sheila Kenny
5/9/2021 08:51:04 pm

I love this Sally. It made me reflect and realize that in my 20s and 30s, I regularly befriended older women who taught me so much. It was wonderful to have these nurturing influences, other than my mother, to "whip me into shape" and to lean on. How lucky we are indeed!

Reply
Robert Mcwilliams
5/9/2021 09:07:09 pm

I’m glad you shared those holidays with us. It was fun. Your mom always had the best sense of humor.

Reply
Kristi Mullen
5/10/2021 07:07:30 am

Sallie, once again you made me think! I lost my Mom 21 years ago. From my Aunts, elderly ladies I cleaned for, friends and a little, sweet, older German lady, Nada, that brings homemade baklava to me at my job and visits for a minute, I have received “Mom” wisdom and love. Thank you for writing and sharing Sallie!

Reply
Elizabeth Eklund
5/16/2021 08:51:41 pm

Hi Sallie and thanks once again for your blog. I am grateful that we are family and that your experiences although different from my own, bring much the resonates with other family members and, in my view, draws us nearer to one another in sympathy and understanding.

Reply
Sallie Showalter
5/16/2021 09:32:33 pm

And maybe one day soon, Elizabeth, we can finally get together again in person!

Reply
Martha K S Patrick
5/15/2023 01:22:21 am

15 May 2023
Dear Sallie -
While googling "Mrs A" from Heather Cox Richardson's 2021 Mothers Day post (reprinted this year), I came across your response here. A delight to read it too, to find out a little of your story and how it intertwines with the McClellan family, as well as to explore the Murky Press site. Am about to read chapter 2 of Last Train Out, but wanted to say hi before I get caught up in it.

I never knew Mimi, but was greatly enriched by working with Sam and Maggie. Now I live in Bodrum Turkey and enjoy building community here.

Lovely to meet you. (and would love to hear from you, if indeed you ever get this message!)

Martha

Gönülden gönüle yol vardır. Turkish Proverb
From one heart to another there is a path.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

Details
    Picture

    Author

    Between the debilitating effects of age and the 24-hour crush of mind-bending news, my brain is frequently in a fog. Nonetheless. I'll occasionally try to sweep aside the ashy gray matter and shed some light on what's going on at Murky Press. Perhaps together we can also gain a little insight into how we can better use words to organize and clarify the world around us.

    Cheers! 
    Sallie Showalter, Murky Press 

    Archives

    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017

    Categories

    All
    Current Events
    Family
    Grief
    History
    Marketing
    Nature
    Next Train Out
    Publishing
    The Last Resort
    Writing

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact